Date #1 AKA Tits McGhee

TITS’ STATS

Age:  Early 30’s

Height:  5′??  (Says 5’8.. maybe on Mars)

Ethnicity: Latino

Job:  Marketing

Kids: None                Wants:  Yes

Drinks: ABSOLUTELY

Smokes: No

Single for:  1 year

PRE-DATE

So, the first guy I spoke to on the dating site just so happened to be the first guy I thought was cute.  In his pictures he was bald and kinda pudgy.  Very nice smile and seemed like an all around fun guy that loves to travel.  While I’m a petite woman, I actually don’t mind larger guys.  The only apprehension is that his Tits are bigger than mine and it does make me feel slightly insecure.  At the end of the day I decided that I liked tits personality. He wrote some things that really struck a cord and made me think very highly of him and since he matched all the important specifications, I was excited about going out with him.

When I asked what we were going and what we were doing he told me to dress casual and not wear heels.  It was kinda exciting not knowing what he had planned and knowing that we were meeting in a highly populated public place.

THE FIRST IMPRESSION

We met outside a restaurant.  It was a good thing he told me what he was wearing because otherwise I would have walked straight past him.  He had no tits.  He’d either managed to put on spanx under his tight as shirt and hold those puppies down to look like chiseled pecks or he’d been working out.  Normally I’d think wow, better than expected but there were two other things that couldn’t off set that surprise.  In his pictures he had no beard.  In person beard.  And not a goatee.  Not the kinda beard that accompanies a mustache, the beard that says I am man, hear me roar.   It was the kind of beard that made you think, he needs a bandana and a gold hoop.  While the beard was something that could change.  He abruptly offered to shave it, nothing could change the fact that he was my height and I was wearing sneakers.  There’s even a possibility that he was shorter as I remember going in for the hug and his shoulder fitting well under my arm pit.

THE DATE

As we turned to go into the restaurant he grabbed my hand.  I immediately remember cringing because it was way too soon.  He took the hint.  When we sat down at the bar to eat, he ordered a drink and I a salad.  He placed his hand on my leg and continued to try to hold my hand.  The now creepy pirate was trying to steal affection in any way he could.  After catching a couple of hints, we discussed traveling and his last relationship.  His last relationship was a sore spot for him as it lasted a short amount of time.  Why is it that all the short ones leave the crazy scars?

The check came and he paid.  I asked him what he had planned for us and he said, “whatever you want to do.”  Wow!  What happened to the planning.  I suggested we play pool.  While we were playing pool I quickly realized that while he wasn’t unattractive, I just didn’t feel any chemistry.  He flirted and tried kissing me and hugging me and it just didn’t work for me.  One because I had no clue who he was and the other because I wasn’t attracted to him.  He suggested we play a round for a drink and a kiss.  This is the part where he stepped his pool playing skills up and hustled me out of a drink because I didn’t agree to the kiss.  I purchased him a drink and myself water.  I ended the date and he offered to walk me to my car but I felt that if I allowed him to do that he’d try to kiss me again and slip his tongue down my throat!

I PICTURED OUR FUTURE TO BE

Road trips to Vegas with his friends until I got knocked up and he’d try to keep them coming.  When I returned home from a long day we’d watch TV and he’d drink a beer while I did crossword puzzles filling in words that didn’t fit in the boxes but simply matched my secret disdain for his perpetual beer drinking and lack of creativity.  We’d eventually get married, reluctantly.  He’d probably quit his job one day just because he didn’t want to cut his beard right after knocking me up with baby 3.  The highlight of my day would be shopping at Walmart, the week going to the movies, and the year going to Vegas to watch him out drink his buddies at a night club.

WHAT I LIKED ABOUT HIM

He’s genuinely truthful in trying to settle down.  He’d be open to doing the things that I wanted to do.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE ABOUT HIM

He had no tits and he’s short.  Basically, he lied on his profile.  He’d probably settle down with anyone and he’s not aggressive enough.  Too much touchy touch too soon.

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF

I am more into physical attractiveness than I originally thought.  This isn’t limited to Tall, dark, and handsome… I just may have a male tit fetish.