Date #7 – The Ultimate Loser


#7’s Stats

Age: 34

Height: 5’8

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Job: Marketing – Actually unemployed

Kids: None                Wants: Yes

Drinks: Yes

Smokes: No

Single for: My guess is forever

PRE-DATE

So we talked a bit online and I wasn’t crazy about his look.  Again, not unattractive but looked psychotic.  Listening to my questionable friend who stated that he just looks fun and goofy, I chatted with him a bit.  Small talk and basic conversation didn’t go that bad, but  I told myself that I wasn’t going to waste his time or my time by continuing the conversation the second he sent me a message that said:  Hi, Will you go skydiving with me?

Later, my friend who I will never listen to anymore asked me about him.  I told her that I got the creeps and wouldn’t be going out with him.  She told me that I was being overly critical and should take a stab at it.  Like a dummy, I listened.

THE FIRST IMPRESSION

I was about 10 minutes late and felt bad because I left my phone at home so I couldn’t call.  I went in and saw him leaned over the coffee bean counter as if he lost his best friend.  I didn’t recognize him initially because he didn’t have his “goofy” AKA psychotic face on.  He was very muscular and seemed to lack a lot of confidence.  He looked as if he rolled out of bed hadn’t showered in days.

THE DATE

I met him in a coffee shop.  I apologized for being late.  He said don’t worry about it in the most passive aggressive way that anyone could.

He then asked, “Would you like some coffee?”

I replied, “Yes.”

“Well then, go ahead and buy it,” he responded.

Whatever!  I thought.  I purchased my coffee as he went outside to find a table.  When I went out to meet him, he stated it was too loud so he wanted to sit inside.  We sat inside and it was again, too loud for him so I politely asked if he wanted to walk around the block.  We talked and walked around the block.  I found out that he has been on and off the dating site for a little over a year and was unemployed.  I know everyone needs someone, but what he needed was a job.

As we walked around the block, he walked a good 7 paces ahead of me.  How was this even conversation friendly?  I thought to myself, great, he’s not into me, no awkward moments.  By the time I got by my car, he asked me to dinner.  I almost laughed in his face because I’m never paying for a guy’s dinner again, I learned that lesson from my 20’s.  If we were dating a long while or in a relationship, that’s different.  Ok, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say we would go dutch.  He still wasn’t worth a second date.  I’m kinda proud of myself because I didn’t use the ultimate jerk line by saying, “I’ll call you”, I said, “call me in a couple weeks.”  Too bad in a couple of weeks I’ll be in Moscow.

I PICTURED OUR FUTURE TO BE

Socially, people would think I was a saint because I was dating the bummy less attractive rain man.  But then, all of a sudden women would find him attractive.  He would get a big head and dump me because of the endless line of tail that assumed he must be excellent in bed because he has nothing else to offer the world.

WHAT I LIKED ABOUT HIM

I made this a standard question?

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE ABOUT HIM

He doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t know how to prioritize, he’s selfish, he’s egotistical…

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF

I don’t like guys who don’t work.  Work as in job or work as in functional representations of the male species.

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